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Bog Standard

Toilet humor has always been the safe haven in everyday journalism, and publications remain attentive regarding memorable lavatory incidents and historic moments, especially in relation to football. It was quite amusing to learn that Big Website columnist Adrian Chiles owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet at his home. Spare a thought about the Tykes follower who understood the bathroom a little too literally, and needed rescuing from the vacant Barnsley ground after falling asleep on the loo during halftime of a 2015 loss versus the Cod Army. “He was barefoot and misplaced his cellphone and his headwear,” explained an official from the local fire department. And nobody can overlook at the pinnacle of his career with Manchester City, the controversial forward visited a nearby college to access the restrooms in 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, then came in and was asking where the toilets were, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a pupil informed the Manchester Evening News. “Subsequently he wandered around the college grounds as if he owned it.”

The Toilet Resignation

Tuesday marks 25 years to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as England manager after a brief chat within a restroom stall together with Football Association official David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, after the notorious 1-0 loss by Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the legendary venue. According to Davies' personal account, his confidential FA records, he entered the drenched troubled England locker room directly following the fixture, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams “fired up”, both players begging for the official to reason with Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a distant gaze, and Davies located him seated – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – within the changing area's edge, muttering: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies tried desperately to save the circumstance.

“Where could we possibly locate for a private conversation?” remembered Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with an England manager as players dived into the water. Merely one possibility emerged. The toilet cubicles. A significant event in English football's extensive history occurred in the ancient loos of a venue scheduled for destruction. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I closed the door after us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I'm unable to energize the team. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Consequences

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, subsequently confessing he considered his period as Three Lions boss “without spirit”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I found myself going and training the blind team, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's a tremendously tough role.” English football has come a long way in the quarter of a century since. Whether for good or bad, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers have long disappeared, while a German now sits in the dugout where Keegan once perched. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Current Reports

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for Women's major tournament coverage from Arsenal 2-1 OL Lyonnes.

Daily Quotation

“We stood there in a lengthy line, in just our underwear. We were the continent's finest referees, elite athletes, role models, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with strong principles … however all remained silent. We hardly glanced at one another, our gazes flickered a bit nervously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina examined us thoroughly with a freezing stare. Quiet and watchful” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes referees were previously subjected to by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“How important is a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to oversee the primary team. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles.

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and provided some branded items, I've opted to write and offer a concise remark. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts on the school grounds with children he expected would overpower him. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his option to move to Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|